THE EDGE OF EVERYTHING & NOTHING: THE ONE THING THAT BROUGHT ME TO MY KNEES

The Edge of Everything and Nothing: The One Thing That Brought Me to My Knees

Have you ever felt alone? Lonely? Truly alone in a world full of people? I don’t often tell the specific stories of the first half of my life, but they are what led up to the testimony of my life… so if what I went through can help anyone, so shall I share. This post welcomed so very many beautiful comments that touched my heart when I shared it on my old site that I want to share it here… the more hearts that hear the more hearts that will know they are not alone.

I was standing on the curb that day. The sun was shining. Laughter and voices filled the air. High school was out for the day, and I was standing somewhere in middle space – half way between “here” and the outer extremes. I was standing on the curb, but in my mind, I was actually teetering on that curb that bright sun shiny day ready to fall with the slightest whisper.

NO ONE KNEW.

And the whispers came…

“I could step off this curb in front of that car coming up the street. No one would care. No one would miss me. No one loves me.”

NO ONE KNEW.

“No one would miss you.” 

There was that voice again.

I was standing next to a friend at the time, and it was his mom we were waiting on that was driving that car up that street next to that curb. He didn’t know. She didn’t know.

NO ONE KNEW.

That curb. The one holding on for dear life of my beating heart. The one which I felt dissolving under my feet. That wasn’t the first time I had danced with death in a prelude to the Edge of Everything. Everything that told me I was unloved, unwanted, uncared for, unworthy, un-me.

That wouldn’t be the last time either.

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A COMFORT THAT SHOULDN’T BE {MY HEALING MIRACLE}

A Comfort That Shouldn’t Be {My Healing Miracle}

Depression. Oh the pain of heart pain. None to be equaled.

 Depression is a very difficult subject to understand,
to discuss,
to live with,
to handle,
to be around …

Do you ever stop and think about what in your life is a comfort that shouldn’t be? Is there something that consumes your thoughts in such a way that you know it isn’t healthy or productive but you go there anyway?

BEWARE! That’s a trap. Beware because it can enslave you and affect everyone around you.

I know without a shadow of a doubt that the hole in your heart can only be successfully filled by One.

Let that hole be filled.

Fighting without God is like losing before you even start.

We were not made to be alone.

“Where can I go from your Spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in hell, you are there” ~ Psalm 139

My story may be different from any you’ve ever heard… but parts might be just what you’ve lived. Share with me. I’m ALL IN to love.

-Heather

A COMFORT THAT SHOULDN’T BE

The self loathing was a ‘beyond my control, caught in my throat’ kind of oppression. It led to the most emotionally excruciating pain I have ever experienced. The conversations in my mind were increasingly evil. So loud, yet they somehow made perfect sense to me.

I planned ways to die. I yearned deep in my soul to leave the pain behind forever. I saw no end in sight. I would hear a voice whisper with such evil force, “You are not worth anything.”

That was an awful voice, but it was familiar.

Yet, I faintly heard another voice that never left me. Screaming, in the most comforting way, to help me.

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